Sunday, April 10, 2011's not just a river in Egypt

Well, it's been one month and 4 days with no coke products now, not that I'm counting. It actually hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to be. Don't get me wrong, I have wanted to break down and drink one several times, but I didn't. I am a person who normally loves doing what I want and getting what I want. I love instant gratification! Who doesn't? Wouldn't it be awesome if I decided I wanted to run a marathon today and then just went out and ran one tomorrow? Just skip over all of that gruelling time-consuming training and the sacrifices that go with it. Instant gratification definitely has its payoffs. For me, when I am trying my hardest to eat better and eat less, it rears its ugly head in the form of something sweet and full of carbs. This happens normally when I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed by someone or something and I think that eating said item will #1. Make me feel better and #2. Show that I can do what I want. Lets examine #1...I could go on for hours about how awesome a fresh, hot krispy kreme doughnut tastes when you put it in your mouth. These things are like kryptonite for me. They are so evil that I actually avoid driving past the store when I am in Tallahassee! I know my limitations, people. I have a friend who went INSIDE the store, ordered ONE doughnut, ate it and walked out. This boggles my mind! Why bother? Maybe one day, I too can have this super human power over the almighty doughnut! It's not just doughnuts, though. I can feel better after brownies, cakes, pie, Little Debbies, cookies, etc....temporarily. The key here is temporary - the problem is still there, the stressor hasn't left, and I now feel worse. Now, #2...who am I showing that I can do what I want? I know I can. I'm only hurting myself. My health and fitness are suffering, not anyone else's. This issue stems from me wanting to feel like I am in control of something in my life. It's hard to learn how to "wait for it" when I have lived in a fast food society for so long! Do I want fries with that? Yes! Do I want to super size it? Yes! Now I am learning to deny tell myself fast from some of these things of the world that I love. Denial is painful at first. I have to keep telling myself that it has only been 5 weeks. I am redefining what gives me pleasure. I have to admit, it does give me pleasure to step on the scale and see the numbers getting smaller. It gives me pleasure to be able to fit into clothing that has been hanging in my closet for some time now. I am able to play longer and harder with my kids and I can even jump on the trampoline! I am even starting to like exercise a tiny bit. (very tiny) The Bible verse that jumps out at me is Luke 9:23 "Then he said to them all: If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Jesus knew that we would have to deny self to live how He want us to live. It isn't something that we can do once and be done with. Jesus spells it out for us...we have to do it daily. Every day. We have to take up our cross and follow Him. Trust me, some days I'd rather hide under the covers. But His mercies are new every morning...and the payoff is so worth it!

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