Humbled, Convicted....and Grateful!

Have you ever had "one of those" mornings? I got out of bed, started getting my children up and in the shower, gathering up their things and their clothes for the day. Thankfully, my husband had made some coffee! For some reason, the girls like to get out of the shower, wrap a towel around them and come and complain to me about how cold they are. Meanwhile, I'm wondering why they don't dry themselves off and tell them so. Then the whining starts. They know they have to brush their hair and teeth EVERY morning. This is non-negotiable! My son, for the most part, is self sufficient, thank you Jesus! The girls notice the clothes I have put out and for some reason, they don't want to wear them. At this point, one of two things happen, I either tell them to wear them and quit complaining, or they go to their rooms and pick out something more acceptable to them. Cooper is now in the kitchen and asking what has happened to his poetry he composed last night. Poetry? What poetry? The two girls are now asking for breakfast....usually they want a corn dog or ice cream or some such healthy meal. Now my husband is out of the shower and is putting his two cents into the mix. I maintain my calm demeanor and get the girls some cereal, find the poetry and manage to get them all out of the door. Whew!

I now decide to listen to the messages on my answering machine that I did not listen to last night. The first one is a reminder that I have a doctor's appointment TODAY at 9am. Hmm...it is now 7:30 and I have to be in Tallahassee by 9. So...I jump up and run to the shower, throw on some clothes and makeup, grab my coffee (now cold) and head out the door. I am NOT in a good mood. I am cranky and ungrateful. I am wondering what God was thinking when he let ME get married and have THREE children. The list continues in my mind....why can't I have more money...more help around the house...why can't my children mind all of the time??? This ungratefulness in my heart continues to spew out of me until I get back in my car following my doctor visit. I decide to check my email using my phone. An email pops up that looks like one of "those" chain emails titled "In God's Hands". I click on it anyway and I proceed to read an email that brings me to my knees. Literally. It's forwarded from a man whose wife has been very sick and is now close to death. He is struggling with dealing with these last days and is asking for prayer...for peace...for understanding. I feel something twist in my chest and am immediately convicted. Who am I that I am so ungrateful for all of my undeserved blessings that the one who made me has poured out? I am ungrateful. I am convicted. I am humbled. The tears began to fall and I prayed for this man and his family right then. I also immediately asked God to forgive my ungrateful heart. When I was done praying, I began to think how silly I had been in the first place. I woke up in an air conditioned house in America. I have food in my pantry and refrigerator. I have 3 gorgeous and healthy children. I have a husband who loves me and makes me coffee (bonus). I have running water that is heated, clothes to wear, a car to drive and an iphone that lets me check my email to name a few!! I could literally fill up books with all of the things I am grateful for.

I recently completed a gratitude list and I highly recommend it. It helps to focus on a few things and people for which you are especially grateful. After you complete your list, read it back to yourself and then tell the people you listed how grateful you are for them! You can include why you are thankful for your husband, children, family, job, friends, church, school, or anything else you can think of! I think I will start doing this on a regular basis just to remind myself of all of my blessings that He continues to give to me. I am convicted...humbled...and now extremely grateful.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Can Rocks Cry Out?

Have you ever thought about what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus? I think about it sometimes on a daily basis. I love to help people, thus my chosen profession...nursing. I love to see people do what even they don't think they can accomplish. I can convey encouragement and compassion simply by touching my patient in a caring and loving manner. I hold hands (sometimes feet), wipe tears, sweat (and other bodily fluids I won't mention here), I give hugs and rub backs....and that's just taking care of the doctors. Just kidding!! I find that it is a lot easier sometimes to "talk" to others through action as opposed to words. I also know that actions speak louder than words. But, I think that we also need to use words along with actions to deliver the full effect that is intended. 


The fact is that I love Jesus. I am a Christian. He has given me infinitely more gifts and blessings than I can ever deserve and continues to do so. He has held my hand and lifted me out of pits of despair. But when it comes time to speak aloud of these things and "witness" to others with my voice, I find myself hanging back. I let doubt creep in. I don't want people to judge me harshly, to think I'm a hypocrite (I AM, by the way), to reject me or make fun of me. But, what is more important? What people think or what Jesus thinks? I know that I focus too much on this world, but we were made for something more. I don't know who this quote originated with, but it sums it up..."We are not human beings having spiritual experiences, but spiritual beings having human experiences".  Think about it. What if our life here on earth is just a snapshot in our spiritual eternity? Sometimes I long for the things of this world to fill me up. Sometimes my filler is food, sometimes other people, sometimes attention or praise. The full feeling is always temporary. I heard a Christian speaker say that we "ache for Heaven". I wonder if that is why we long for "things" to comfort us...because we are aching for eternity. Is this what we were made for? To long for Heaven? For God? 


I love the song "Made to Worship" by Chris Tomlin. One part says "and even the rocks cry out, and even the Heavens shout, at the sound of His holy name". We were made to worship the one who created us.When Jesus rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, His followers were crying out and praising Him in front of everyone! The Pharisees didn't like this and told Jesus to make them be quiet. This is when Jesus said "I tell you, He replied, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out". If we don't spread the Good News and tell of his wonderful love like we are called to do, the rocks will do it for us! I want to be bold. I want to show and tell others through my deeds and my words. I don't want the rocks to have to speak for me. They can be quiet this time...I will speak.  
  

Are You Living the Salt Life?



If you live near the coast, at least in my neck of the woods, you see this logo on a regular basis. I see it on the back windshield of a car sometimes daily. I am a salt lover, I will admit. I add salt to my food sometimes before I even taste it. I even put salt on my salad. When I was in college, a friend gave me one of those hamster "salt licks" for a birthday present. Yes, it was a gag gift, but I actually "used" it a couple of times. I finally got rid of it, because it just wasn't practical to break out a "salt lick wheel" when I had a craving. I'm pretty sure it made me look a little unstable.

As I sat in the elementary school pick up line yesterday, I started thinking how living the "Salt Life" could apply to living a Christian life or a more disciplined life. Have you ever looked up "salt" in the Bible? There are a lot of verses dealing with this word. Many times, especially recently, I have eliminated certain foods from my diet. Soda, chocolate, sugar...all of these things are great and I would not want to live forever without them, but they are not necessary for survival. Salt, however, is necessary for our bodies to function properly. When we don't have enough salt in our bodies, we become unbalanced and don't heal easily. It helps to transmit messages in the nervous system. Salt is also used as a preservative to keep food from spoiling. It was used before modern medicine to help heal wounds or to purify water. Salt when used in food serves to season it, to bring out the best in the taste of the food or to blend certain foods together. For all of these reasons, Jesus called His followers "the salt of the earth".

Guess what else salt does? It makes you THIRSTY. It makes you long for something. When you see someone who is "salty", do you long for what they have? To me, these people seem satisfied with their life. They possess true joy. They don't have to seek validation from the outside world. Other people in general are attracted to these people because they see something in them that they want to have as well. Did I just describe you? As Christians, that is what Jesus challenged us to do. We are supposed to preserve, freshen and sweeten the world with His word and to help heal His people with our deeds and actions. Most of the time I feel like Mrs. Dash...very flavorful, but not truly, genuinely salt. My goal is to surround myself with salty people so that they can season me and I can learn to season others. Jesus put us here to season the world with our presence, our words and our actions. As my thirst increases, I long to make others thirsty as well.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. ---Colossians 4:6

Let's Get Stoned!

The name of this post might have you scratching your head, but stay with me. I'm going to tell you about a ritual that I complete EVERY morning. It's something I do even though I don't want to. Here's my confession...I am a SLAVE to the scale. I'm going for full transparency on this one. I have NO idea who is actually reading this blog, but here we go. Every morning, I get out of bed and go to my bathroom. The scale is sitting there, calling to me like a siren. I cannot resist. I HAVE to know. There are certain things I must do before I step on the scale. I have to empty my bladder, put my contacts in (I feel sure that my glasses weigh more) and take all of my clothing off including my hair elastic holding up my ponytail. To further add to the insanity I ALWAYS step on with the same foot AND make sure I exhale before stepping on (how much can air weigh??). Then I stand there anxiously awaiting those numbers that cause me to feel bad or good about myself, all the while not breathing!

I just re-read the preceding paragraph and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I was telling someone about my issue with the scale the other day and they asked me what number did I think would make me happy. Hmm. I have a number in my mind that I think would make the Hallelujah chorus ring out, but I'm not sure. Can a number make me happy? I have some days that I think it can. In my line of work when a baby is born do you know the first thing anybody asks? "How much does he/she weigh?" This question usually is asked right when we take the baby to the warmer to dry it off and make sure he/she is breathing, etc. Some days I wish I had scales built into my palms. Sigh. Everybody wants to know the weight. They proudly tweet, facebook or text this info to the world. There are other numbers too. There is our height, our age, how long we've been married, working at a job, how much money we make, the cost of our car, house, vacation and the list could go on forever.

So by now you must be thinking, what role do stones play in this madness? Well, I was watching a show called "Supersized vs. Superskinny" that is produced in the UK. Two people (a big one and a tiny one) spend a week swapping diets and then go on a healthy eating plan for 12 weeks to see if they can change their eating habits and also.....their weight! At the end of the show, they weigh the two participants and announce their numbers to the world. Of course I was curious about how much weight they had lost/gained. The host announced their weight before and after and one of the contestants went from 7 stone to 7 stone 7! Yay! They were all excited that the skinny person had gained "half a stone"!!! I'm thinking...#1 What is a stone? and #2 How do I convert my weight to stones to make it sound better. By using my handy-dandy google app on my iphone, I quickly found out that a stone is equal to 14 pounds. Doesn't weighing 16 stone sound soooo much better than 224 pounds? This also tied in to my Bible study. Jennifer Rothschild talks about how bricks are man-made, but stones are God-made. She also says that we (all of us) were never designed to be brick-makers, but to be living stones. Eureka! He designed us to be labeled as "living stones" with the words "I AM". Look at the many "I AM" statements I have discovered in Him....I am gifted with power, love and self-control, chosen to be fruitful, capable, a new creation, His workmanship, God's treasure, dearly loved, and my personal favorite, God's delight. This is 180 degrees from my usual mantra of "fat, ugly, loser" that has gone through my mind. Jennifer also gave me this gem to ponder on..."Who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing". I don't have to be defined by the numbers...I am choosing to be defined by the numbers.

I want to know who out there struggles with the same bondage to the scale. I would love to hear your stories. I would love for someone to suggest ways for me to avoid the daily scale ritual. I could put the scales up, but if I knew where they were I would go and get them. Just being honest. I don't want to be defined by my weight....definitely not defined that way by me. I don't know that I would be happy with any certain number. I would be happy to be healthy and achieve physical fitness to live a fulfilled life with my family. That goal cannot be measured with numbers. I wonder if there is a scale that shows your reading in "stone". It takes a while to lose a "stone". For now, I will pray to be content with 16 stone. I will strive to lose a few stone and also to trust in the living stones of God's promises to me.

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie....

I don't know how many of you have kids, but my youngest two love the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" book along with the other titles in the series. The book starts out with a boy (wait for it) giving a mouse a cookie. Well, inevitably, if you give him a cookie....he wants milk. This starts an avalanche of events where he asks for a straw, a napkin, and a mirror to look at his milk moustache. He then notices that he needs a haircut so he needs scissors, then he needs a pillow and blanket to take a nap and on and on and on... I've been thinking about this book as it relates to my "living a disciplined life" mindset. I have been eating healthier and making better choices, but I haven't deprived myself of anything. If I want french fries, I eat some. If I want a cupcake, I eat one. A couple of months ago, I read Lysa Terkeurst's book, Made to Crave. Lysa talks about eliminating some foods from her diet completely. She's not saying forever, just for a time. At first glance, I thought this idea was totally insane. Why, oh why would you want to give up sugar totally? Can't you eat it in moderation? Lysa then takes it a step further and gives her reason for doing this..."because my brokenness with food runs deep, my new healthy habits have to have time to run even deeper".

So there I was....re-reading this sentence several months after reading it for the first time. This time it hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought about the times over the past 2 months where I had fallen short of my eating boundaries. Believe me, there were more than a few. But I noticed a common theme. When I decided it was okay to eat chips...I wanted something sweet...like a cookie...which made me want milk...which made me want ice cream. You get the point. Apparently, boundaries aren't meant to punish us, but to keep us safe. If my goal is to retrain my brain, maybe it IS best to eliminate all sweets for a time. It definitely worked for my Coke addiction (the soft drink, not the illegal drug). I cut them out completely for about 5 months and then one day I decided it was okay to have some at the movies with my husband. I can honestly say that I haven't had one since or even a craving for one. Maybe some people can eat all of their favorite comfort foods in moderation. Here's something I have learned....I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. There. I said it. When I cross the boundaries that I set up for myself, I don't just stick a toe in the water....I jump in with a cannonball and swim for the other shore. Tasting the "forbidden fruit" just makes me want more.

All of this being said, the one thing that is different this time is that I haven't given up. Normally at some point I would say, "Okay, I tried. I give up". Not this time. I'm in it for the long haul. I'm writing this blog partly for accountability. It's all about progress, not perfection. Cleaning out my car and keeping it that way, organizing my junk drawer, giving away older toys, making a meal plan and grocery list, eating carrots instead of chips...all of these are baby steps. My goal is to turn these baby steps into a full out run...all by relying on and giving the glory to Him.

"Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; its useless. Cultivate God-confidence. No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it." -----I Corinthians 10:12-13 The Message

The Voices in My Head

I have successfully completed my first session of Boot Camp with Cogi Athletics! Seven weeks of getting up at 5:30am to work out. Last year if you would have asked me if I would be going to exercise in front of people (other than the gym) I would have looked at you as if you had an extra eye in the middle of your forehead. For some reason, at the gym, I felt safe. #1-I am not going to work out at the gym as hard as I do at boot camp and #2-I know when to go so that there are not many people around. Guess what? Now boot camp is starting to feel safe. By that I mean that I feel comfortable with the people there and the trainers. I know that they are all rooting for me to become the best "me" I can be. Do I still feel awkward doing the exercises sometimes? Absolutely! This brings me to the point of this post, which is self-talk. I just started a Bible study with some friends called "Me, Myself and Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild. According to this study, we can talk "in our heads" at a rate of 150-300 words per minute. Wow. Just think about it for a minute. Most of the dialogue is neutral....What do I want to wear tomorrow? Did I forget to lock the door? But, some of it can been construed as constructive or destructive. Do any of you remember "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" from Saturday Night Live? Mike Myers would stand in front of a mirror and say, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!" This is the picture that flashes in my mind when I think about this topic. But I think Jack Handy had an excellent point. An intelligent person once told me that self-talk, no matter how irrational, is always believed.

When I think about all of the things I have said to myself over the years, I am kind of embarrassed and ashamed. After all, God made me. He made me fearfully....and wonderfully. I'm not sure when the negative self-talk started, but probably grade school. I can remember telling myself that I was ugly....stupid....fat....not good enough. I pray every night that my children know that they are worthy and loved...by their earthly parents AND their heavenly Father. Now, I know that this may not prevent negative self-talk. After all, I know that my parents love me. I also have realized that my heavenly Father loves me...just as I am. Of course, He wants the best for me and for all of you! It must make Him sad to see and hear what His children say to themselves AND to each other.

Is my self-talk now perfect? Of course not. Trust me, I have moments, sometimes daily, when the negative voice in my head comes through loud and clear. But you know what? Now I know that the negative voice is a LIAR! Jennifer makes a reference to a "thought closet" where all of the things in our minds are like a closet space. I'm hoping that eventually I can get to the point where the destructive thoughts are so far gone from my "closet" that I can't recall them. She also says that the standard for our self-talk is what is acceptable to God. I don't know about you, but I cringe when my children say negative or hurtful things about themselves. We say things to ourselves that we would never in a billion years say to someone else. I'm replacing those former adjectives with words like...child of God, redeemed, saved, fruitful, valuable, a new creation, free, capable, secure and dearly loved. These are just a few of the truthful labels that you can find in His word. I am so looking forward to learning more about His "labels" and less about the world's "labels". I have learned through this part of my journey that cleaning the inside of the cup is just as important (or more important) than cleaning the outside. I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, Jesus loves me!

Listen to Psalm 19:14...."Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer".

Letting Go is Hard to Do

This week has been pretty awesome! My sister, Melissa came to visit us...we haven't seen her in a year! She is in the Coast Guard and will be stationed in South Carolina for the next year. It's not next door, but it beats Bahrain! She is my go-to person when I need to complain about something or get something off of my chest, so this last year has been hard. My parents and nieces were also here for a visit and my husband told my nieces they could spend the night on Saturday night. Really, dear? I can barely get 3 kids ready on Sunday morning, much less 5 of them!! We have to leave our house at 8:30am to get there on time. Whatever, we gave in. Thankfully they all go to sleep easily because they are worn out from the day.
Somehow, we all manage to get ready and make it to church on time. I'm thinking it had something to do with the fact that I made them all shower at night (much to their protests). We filled up and entire pew! The kids each had $1 to put in the offering plate and were holding on to them. The time came to give the offering and each one put the dollar in the plate...except for my 5 year old, Ava. Her brother even tried to wrestle it from her to no avail. She was holding on to it with all of her might. When I asked her why she didn't give the dollar she really couldn't tell me, other than "I didn't want to". Okay. She promised me that she would give it to Sunday school and we went on with the service.
This afternoon I started thinking about why we want to hold onto things. Have you ever seen the show on TLC called Hoarders? This show is sometimes hard for me to watch. It boggles my mind that people will cry over throwing away rotten food or trash. If you ever want to feel better about the state of your house, this show is for you. But, it's not just physical stuff that we hold on to. We hold on to "stuff" in our minds and hearts that we need to be rid of to truly be free. This stuff can fester inside of us and cause us to be separated from God. Trust me, I've been there. We hang on to habits, attitudes and feelings that are detrimental to our spiritual growth because they are comfortable...because we have always done it this way...because it makes us feel good in the short term. Sometimes, like Ava, we can't even tell you why.
Just one example from my life is the way I eat and exercise. If you don't think God cares about our physical wellness, there are plenty of verses to back this up. Anything can become an addiction, even eating. For many years I have eaten pretty much what I wanted and how much I wanted. The only exercise I got was doing daily activities. This became habit. It was comfortable for me. Then one day, I sort of "woke up" and realized that God had a bigger plan for me. By leading a more disciplined life, I can impact myself and others in so many positive ways. Do I ever fail? Absolutely! I've skipped exercise to sleep and I've eaten cake, cookies, french fries, chips, ice cream (okay, you get the point). I've actually cried just like those people on Hoarders for having to give up something that I didn't need. Why did I do this? Because that's my comfort zone, it's who I am....STOP...who I WAS. Then I remember I turned that dollar over to Him back in March and I do not want it back. I don't have to do that stuff any more....it's not me. I'm who HE says I am....the daughter of the most high God. I want to live my life like I know this to be 100% true. I want to be a light that stays on all of the time, not just a light that flickers and comes on sporadically. We can give up all of our "stuff". We don't have to haul around all of that baggage. We can give it up and not take it back...ever. He already knows everything about us. He knows our words even before we speak. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him, why would we want to walk around holding on to things that are junk? Listen to what the Bible says to do..."Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22
I hear people say "Let go and let God" all of the time. Are you ready for Him to carry it instead of you?