I have successfully completed my first session of Boot Camp with Cogi Athletics! Seven weeks of getting up at 5:30am to work out. Last year if you would have asked me if I would be going to exercise in front of people (other than the gym) I would have looked at you as if you had an extra eye in the middle of your forehead. For some reason, at the gym, I felt safe. #1-I am not going to work out at the gym as hard as I do at boot camp and #2-I know when to go so that there are not many people around. Guess what? Now boot camp is starting to feel safe. By that I mean that I feel comfortable with the people there and the trainers. I know that they are all rooting for me to become the best "me" I can be. Do I still feel awkward doing the exercises sometimes? Absolutely! This brings me to the point of this post, which is self-talk. I just started a Bible study with some friends called "Me, Myself and Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild. According to this study, we can talk "in our heads" at a rate of 150-300 words per minute. Wow. Just think about it for a minute. Most of the dialogue is neutral....What do I want to wear tomorrow? Did I forget to lock the door? But, some of it can been construed as constructive or destructive. Do any of you remember "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" from Saturday Night Live? Mike Myers would stand in front of a mirror and say, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!" This is the picture that flashes in my mind when I think about this topic. But I think Jack Handy had an excellent point. An intelligent person once told me that self-talk, no matter how irrational, is always believed.
When I think about all of the things I have said to myself over the years, I am kind of embarrassed and ashamed. After all, God made me. He made me fearfully....and wonderfully. I'm not sure when the negative self-talk started, but probably grade school. I can remember telling myself that I was ugly....stupid....fat....not good enough. I pray every night that my children know that they are worthy and loved...by their earthly parents AND their heavenly Father. Now, I know that this may not prevent negative self-talk. After all, I know that my parents love me. I also have realized that my heavenly Father loves me...just as I am. Of course, He wants the best for me and for all of you! It must make Him sad to see and hear what His children say to themselves AND to each other.
Is my self-talk now perfect? Of course not. Trust me, I have moments, sometimes daily, when the negative voice in my head comes through loud and clear. But you know what? Now I know that the negative voice is a LIAR! Jennifer makes a reference to a "thought closet" where all of the things in our minds are like a closet space. I'm hoping that eventually I can get to the point where the destructive thoughts are so far gone from my "closet" that I can't recall them. She also says that the standard for our self-talk is what is acceptable to God. I don't know about you, but I cringe when my children say negative or hurtful things about themselves. We say things to ourselves that we would never in a billion years say to someone else. I'm replacing those former adjectives with words like...child of God, redeemed, saved, fruitful, valuable, a new creation, free, capable, secure and dearly loved. These are just a few of the truthful labels that you can find in His word. I am so looking forward to learning more about His "labels" and less about the world's "labels". I have learned through this part of my journey that cleaning the inside of the cup is just as important (or more important) than cleaning the outside. I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, Jesus loves me!
Listen to Psalm 19:14...."Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer".
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Letting Go is Hard to Do
This week has been pretty awesome! My sister, Melissa came to visit us...we haven't seen her in a year! She is in the Coast Guard and will be stationed in South Carolina for the next year. It's not next door, but it beats Bahrain! She is my go-to person when I need to complain about something or get something off of my chest, so this last year has been hard. My parents and nieces were also here for a visit and my husband told my nieces they could spend the night on Saturday night. Really, dear? I can barely get 3 kids ready on Sunday morning, much less 5 of them!! We have to leave our house at 8:30am to get there on time. Whatever, we gave in. Thankfully they all go to sleep easily because they are worn out from the day.
Somehow, we all manage to get ready and make it to church on time. I'm thinking it had something to do with the fact that I made them all shower at night (much to their protests). We filled up and entire pew! The kids each had $1 to put in the offering plate and were holding on to them. The time came to give the offering and each one put the dollar in the plate...except for my 5 year old, Ava. Her brother even tried to wrestle it from her to no avail. She was holding on to it with all of her might. When I asked her why she didn't give the dollar she really couldn't tell me, other than "I didn't want to". Okay. She promised me that she would give it to Sunday school and we went on with the service.
This afternoon I started thinking about why we want to hold onto things. Have you ever seen the show on TLC called Hoarders? This show is sometimes hard for me to watch. It boggles my mind that people will cry over throwing away rotten food or trash. If you ever want to feel better about the state of your house, this show is for you. But, it's not just physical stuff that we hold on to. We hold on to "stuff" in our minds and hearts that we need to be rid of to truly be free. This stuff can fester inside of us and cause us to be separated from God. Trust me, I've been there. We hang on to habits, attitudes and feelings that are detrimental to our spiritual growth because they are comfortable...because we have always done it this way...because it makes us feel good in the short term. Sometimes, like Ava, we can't even tell you why.
Just one example from my life is the way I eat and exercise. If you don't think God cares about our physical wellness, there are plenty of verses to back this up. Anything can become an addiction, even eating. For many years I have eaten pretty much what I wanted and how much I wanted. The only exercise I got was doing daily activities. This became habit. It was comfortable for me. Then one day, I sort of "woke up" and realized that God had a bigger plan for me. By leading a more disciplined life, I can impact myself and others in so many positive ways. Do I ever fail? Absolutely! I've skipped exercise to sleep and I've eaten cake, cookies, french fries, chips, ice cream (okay, you get the point). I've actually cried just like those people on Hoarders for having to give up something that I didn't need. Why did I do this? Because that's my comfort zone, it's who I am....STOP...who I WAS. Then I remember I turned that dollar over to Him back in March and I do not want it back. I don't have to do that stuff any more....it's not me. I'm who HE says I am....the daughter of the most high God. I want to live my life like I know this to be 100% true. I want to be a light that stays on all of the time, not just a light that flickers and comes on sporadically. We can give up all of our "stuff". We don't have to haul around all of that baggage. We can give it up and not take it back...ever. He already knows everything about us. He knows our words even before we speak. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him, why would we want to walk around holding on to things that are junk? Listen to what the Bible says to do..."Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22
I hear people say "Let go and let God" all of the time. Are you ready for Him to carry it instead of you?
Somehow, we all manage to get ready and make it to church on time. I'm thinking it had something to do with the fact that I made them all shower at night (much to their protests). We filled up and entire pew! The kids each had $1 to put in the offering plate and were holding on to them. The time came to give the offering and each one put the dollar in the plate...except for my 5 year old, Ava. Her brother even tried to wrestle it from her to no avail. She was holding on to it with all of her might. When I asked her why she didn't give the dollar she really couldn't tell me, other than "I didn't want to". Okay. She promised me that she would give it to Sunday school and we went on with the service.
This afternoon I started thinking about why we want to hold onto things. Have you ever seen the show on TLC called Hoarders? This show is sometimes hard for me to watch. It boggles my mind that people will cry over throwing away rotten food or trash. If you ever want to feel better about the state of your house, this show is for you. But, it's not just physical stuff that we hold on to. We hold on to "stuff" in our minds and hearts that we need to be rid of to truly be free. This stuff can fester inside of us and cause us to be separated from God. Trust me, I've been there. We hang on to habits, attitudes and feelings that are detrimental to our spiritual growth because they are comfortable...because we have always done it this way...because it makes us feel good in the short term. Sometimes, like Ava, we can't even tell you why.
Just one example from my life is the way I eat and exercise. If you don't think God cares about our physical wellness, there are plenty of verses to back this up. Anything can become an addiction, even eating. For many years I have eaten pretty much what I wanted and how much I wanted. The only exercise I got was doing daily activities. This became habit. It was comfortable for me. Then one day, I sort of "woke up" and realized that God had a bigger plan for me. By leading a more disciplined life, I can impact myself and others in so many positive ways. Do I ever fail? Absolutely! I've skipped exercise to sleep and I've eaten cake, cookies, french fries, chips, ice cream (okay, you get the point). I've actually cried just like those people on Hoarders for having to give up something that I didn't need. Why did I do this? Because that's my comfort zone, it's who I am....STOP...who I WAS. Then I remember I turned that dollar over to Him back in March and I do not want it back. I don't have to do that stuff any more....it's not me. I'm who HE says I am....the daughter of the most high God. I want to live my life like I know this to be 100% true. I want to be a light that stays on all of the time, not just a light that flickers and comes on sporadically. We can give up all of our "stuff". We don't have to haul around all of that baggage. We can give it up and not take it back...ever. He already knows everything about us. He knows our words even before we speak. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him, why would we want to walk around holding on to things that are junk? Listen to what the Bible says to do..."Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22
I hear people say "Let go and let God" all of the time. Are you ready for Him to carry it instead of you?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Can You See Me Now?
Things have once again been busy in my life. I am now in my third week of Boot Camp. I am surprisingly enjoying myself! There is something about exercising that early in the morning when most of the world is still asleep. We also have a devotional to start us out and that helps me keep my focus where it needs to be. I have discovered muscles that I never knew existed. Did you know there are muscles in between your ribs? Other than breathing, I don't think I have ever used these before. The words "bring the pain" have a whole new meaning now. Seriously, COGI and Danny Copeland are an awesome way to get your mind, body and spirit in shape.
A while back, I did a Bible study that included pieces from the Old Testament. I am more of a New Testament kind of person, but I believe that just like everything else, we can learn from our pasts and apply it to the here and now. The writer focused on the story of Hagar from Genesis chapter 16. If you are not familiar with this story, here is the Cliff notes version. God promised Abraham and Sarah an heir. They did not trust in His plan and Sarah gave her servant Hagar to Abraham so that they might have a child after many years of infertility. Hagar became pregnant with a son who would be called Ishmael. Sarah, clouded with jealousy, started mistreating Hagar to the point that she ran away to escape. Abraham, of course, could not be bothered with this problem and offered no help. This is the part of the story I want to focus on. We find Hagar, alone and pregnant, and the angel of the Lord appears to her and tells her that God hears her cry of distress and sees what she is going through. The angel also tells her that God wants her to return to Sarah and submit to her. Was Sarah to blame for any of this? Of course. She felt inadequate and took this out on Hagar. What about Abraham? He went along with the plan, but when things went wrong, he refused to help resolve the situation.
Poor Hagar....it is easy for us to feel sorry for her. We have all felt wronged before. I can relate to her. People who were allied and were richer and more powerful than her were against her....even going so far as to bully and mistreat her. Nobody wanted to offer her help. There she was, alone and vulnerable, with no one willing to hear her or really SEE her. Guess what? She wasn't alone. God SAW her and HEARD her cries. I don't mean He just looked down from above and peered at her through the clouds....He saw into her soul, her innermost being and knew what she was going through. Hagar listened to God and went back to Sarah's household. She accepted God's promise of help and acted as she should. She learned that even though she was justified in her feelings, running away from problems does not solve them. After she made up her mind to follow God's plan, she gave Him a new name...El Roi or "the God who sees".
Going back to this story has helped me through so many times and situations. My heavenly Father loves me. He forgives me. He SEES me. Isn't that what we feel like is missing from our lives sometimes? People go about their daily routine and we feel unheard and unseen. Nobody notices that we are struggling, or if they do notice, they act like they don't care. I have definitely been there. More often than I would like to admit I have thrown myself a pity party. After studying this story, however, I began to view my struggles in a different light. Yes....I feel better when people support me and genuinely know me and my struggles. Yes....I feel better when people care for me physically and mentally. Yes....my connections with people are very important to me and I love being around all types of people. But I wasn't turning my problems over to the One who made me and who knows the words I am going to say even before I speak them. Reading and studying His word and His promises has let me know that He really does see ME. The "God who sees" created me for a unique and special purpose and knows my struggles. Sometimes I have to turn to Him minute by minute to make it through.
I have had the story of Hagar on my mind for quite some time now. Last night, I attended a study done by Alabaster Jar Ministries called "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made". The story of Hagar came up once again. Coincidence? I don't believe in those anymore. What I DO believe is that God "sees" me and hears my cries. The Bible verse that I believe sums up this story is found in the New Testament in Romans.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28
A while back, I did a Bible study that included pieces from the Old Testament. I am more of a New Testament kind of person, but I believe that just like everything else, we can learn from our pasts and apply it to the here and now. The writer focused on the story of Hagar from Genesis chapter 16. If you are not familiar with this story, here is the Cliff notes version. God promised Abraham and Sarah an heir. They did not trust in His plan and Sarah gave her servant Hagar to Abraham so that they might have a child after many years of infertility. Hagar became pregnant with a son who would be called Ishmael. Sarah, clouded with jealousy, started mistreating Hagar to the point that she ran away to escape. Abraham, of course, could not be bothered with this problem and offered no help. This is the part of the story I want to focus on. We find Hagar, alone and pregnant, and the angel of the Lord appears to her and tells her that God hears her cry of distress and sees what she is going through. The angel also tells her that God wants her to return to Sarah and submit to her. Was Sarah to blame for any of this? Of course. She felt inadequate and took this out on Hagar. What about Abraham? He went along with the plan, but when things went wrong, he refused to help resolve the situation.
Poor Hagar....it is easy for us to feel sorry for her. We have all felt wronged before. I can relate to her. People who were allied and were richer and more powerful than her were against her....even going so far as to bully and mistreat her. Nobody wanted to offer her help. There she was, alone and vulnerable, with no one willing to hear her or really SEE her. Guess what? She wasn't alone. God SAW her and HEARD her cries. I don't mean He just looked down from above and peered at her through the clouds....He saw into her soul, her innermost being and knew what she was going through. Hagar listened to God and went back to Sarah's household. She accepted God's promise of help and acted as she should. She learned that even though she was justified in her feelings, running away from problems does not solve them. After she made up her mind to follow God's plan, she gave Him a new name...El Roi or "the God who sees".
Going back to this story has helped me through so many times and situations. My heavenly Father loves me. He forgives me. He SEES me. Isn't that what we feel like is missing from our lives sometimes? People go about their daily routine and we feel unheard and unseen. Nobody notices that we are struggling, or if they do notice, they act like they don't care. I have definitely been there. More often than I would like to admit I have thrown myself a pity party. After studying this story, however, I began to view my struggles in a different light. Yes....I feel better when people support me and genuinely know me and my struggles. Yes....I feel better when people care for me physically and mentally. Yes....my connections with people are very important to me and I love being around all types of people. But I wasn't turning my problems over to the One who made me and who knows the words I am going to say even before I speak them. Reading and studying His word and His promises has let me know that He really does see ME. The "God who sees" created me for a unique and special purpose and knows my struggles. Sometimes I have to turn to Him minute by minute to make it through.
I have had the story of Hagar on my mind for quite some time now. Last night, I attended a study done by Alabaster Jar Ministries called "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made". The story of Hagar came up once again. Coincidence? I don't believe in those anymore. What I DO believe is that God "sees" me and hears my cries. The Bible verse that I believe sums up this story is found in the New Testament in Romans.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Where Does My Help Come From?
I'm back! These past few weeks have been very busy for our family. We had graduation from elementary school, graduation from Pre-K, dance recital with all of it's practices and performances and now VBS this week. Throw in the fact that my husband was gone one week to a conference and mix it up with work, laundry, cleaning and all of the other daily activities and you have the perfect recipe for chaos! I haven't been sticking to my diet and exercise routine as much as I should have. I haven't gained any weight back; I just haven't lost any more. Have you ever heard anybody say, "If I had her/his willpower, I could...be skinny, stay on my diet, stay focused, etc?" Growing up, I would often think that I just didn't have any willpower. Food was (and sometimes still is) my comfort and my friend, if only for a brief moment. I could stick to a diet for a while, but I would always give in to whatever the temptation might be. After I had "cheated" on my diet, I would usually rationalize that I could now eat freely, because the damage was done. Have any of you ever felt like this, or is it just me? I'm getting ready to take on COGI bootcamp starting June 20th at 5:30 a.m. I'm apprehensive about being in front of people and not being able to do the workout, looking stupid, failing, etc. But the "new" me is stepping out in faith and ready for action. Want to know where I get my help from?
Willpower is defined in the dictionary as the strength of will to carry out one's decisions, wishes or plans. Don't get me wrong, using this definition for willpower has carried me through a lot of hard times and situations. But in the end, I always felt lacking. There was a conviction there, but I was only accountable to me and I was only too willing to let myself off of the hook numerous times. Been there, done that. It has been proven time and again that having a partner or someone to share the journey with you increases your chances of success. Someone else holding you accountable bolsters the strength of your will. The Bible tells us this in Ecclesiastes 4:10: "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other in need".
Recently, I have totally changed the way I look at willpower. My new and much improved definition is this...the willingness to accept God's power for my life. I read this definition in a book by John Baker, one of the founders of Celebrate Recovery. Immediately something inside of me clicked. It was as if a light bulb literally went off in my head. Who's power is better? Mine or His? Who's will for my life is always best? HIS! He is willing to guide me through anything. All I have to do is turn it over to Him and have a willingness to do what He says is best for me. While my willpower sometimes wanes, His never grows weak. He is the ultimate accountability partner. I used to think that praying about overeating was silly and a waste of time. But, guess what? Jesus wants an intimate relationship with you and me! He wants to know what we struggle with and think about on a daily basis. He wants to know each of our innermost desires and needs. Look at what He says in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest". This means we do not have to "carry the load" on our own. Jesus is waiting....are you willing?
Willpower is defined in the dictionary as the strength of will to carry out one's decisions, wishes or plans. Don't get me wrong, using this definition for willpower has carried me through a lot of hard times and situations. But in the end, I always felt lacking. There was a conviction there, but I was only accountable to me and I was only too willing to let myself off of the hook numerous times. Been there, done that. It has been proven time and again that having a partner or someone to share the journey with you increases your chances of success. Someone else holding you accountable bolsters the strength of your will. The Bible tells us this in Ecclesiastes 4:10: "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other in need".
Recently, I have totally changed the way I look at willpower. My new and much improved definition is this...the willingness to accept God's power for my life. I read this definition in a book by John Baker, one of the founders of Celebrate Recovery. Immediately something inside of me clicked. It was as if a light bulb literally went off in my head. Who's power is better? Mine or His? Who's will for my life is always best? HIS! He is willing to guide me through anything. All I have to do is turn it over to Him and have a willingness to do what He says is best for me. While my willpower sometimes wanes, His never grows weak. He is the ultimate accountability partner. I used to think that praying about overeating was silly and a waste of time. But, guess what? Jesus wants an intimate relationship with you and me! He wants to know what we struggle with and think about on a daily basis. He wants to know each of our innermost desires and needs. Look at what He says in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest". This means we do not have to "carry the load" on our own. Jesus is waiting....are you willing?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Bring the Rain
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." --James 1:2
I don't know about you, but when I have problems, the first thing I want to do is cry...or eat...or throw a pity party where everyone's invited! This past week and weekend was filled with troubles, some small and some big. One problem that occurred was that my cell phone had to be euthanized. The "e" and the "2" key quit working out of nowhere. This made for some interesting text messages. I apologize to the few who were the recipients of said messages. I loathe spelling and grammatical errors, so it was hard for me to function like this. This probably comes from being raised by an English teacher. My password for my voicemail has a "2" in it, so I couldn't check my voice messages either. I have had my share of troubles with cell phones, some of them my fault. I have dropped one in a toilet, a fountain in Vegas, a glass of water, and down into a storm drain in Tallahassee. I was able to revive ALL of the above phones and carry on, but my purple blackberry could not be fixed! You don't think that this problem is that bad? Keep reading.
Saturday comes, and I am at work towards the end of my 12 hour shift when I get a call from my husband. His first statement is, "We don't have any water." Okay...what happened? Apparently my darling son and one of his friends were playing with the water faucet outside and somehow managed to break a pipe under the house which resulted in gushing water for about 2 hours until they decided to confess. Now, I wasn't home at this point, but I feel certain that my husband was totally robbed of his happiness in this moment. I finished my shift, came home, and my husband and father in law were working to fix the problem. About an hour later, they were done. Problem fixed. Water was turned back on. Relief. The kids were all in bed and that's where I went as well. My husband was up for a while longer on the computer and checked on the kids before he came to bed. That is when he discovered that "someone" had turned on a bathroom faucet when the water was turned off, left it on at full blast and closed the drain. Three hours after the water was turned back on, it had become a flood all over the bathroom and into both of the girl's bedrooms. Fabulous. Where is Noah with his ark when you need him? This is the point that I lost MY happiness. But what could we do? We threw down some towels and went to bed. Now it is Tuesday and the carpet has been partially ripped out of both bedrooms, furniture moved, baseboards off, and huge fans and dehumidifiers everywhere. If you like white noise, my house is the place to be.
So, the question becomes, what is the difference between joy and happiness? Happiness is based on our circumstances, on what happens in everyday life. I'm happy when my children behave, when I get a compliment, when my house is clean, when I watch American Idol...etc. On the flip side, I am NOT happy when the opposite occurs. Think about it this way...being happy or sad depends on what happens to us. On the other hand, true Christian joy is something that stays with you all of the time. It is the feeling that all is well despite your circumstances. Rejoicing in the fact that we are saved, that Christ died for US is a feeling that doesn't change when bad things happen. This doesn't mean that true Christians are always smiling and never sad. We are all human and made of flesh. Having the emotion of sadness doesn't overrule the true joy that is in my heart. I didn't come to this realization overnight. I spent many years basing my joy and my happiness on the circumstances and the people surrounding me. The "old me" went from happy to sad probably 20 times a day. I wasn't holding on to my true joy. I'm not saying it isn't hard when you feel like life is beating you down. That's why we have the Bible, where we can read God's truths and not listen to Satan's lies about ourselves. I read somewhere that the closer you get to God and the more you desire to do His will, the higher up you go on the devil's attack list.
James doesn't stop there, though. In verses 3-4 he says "For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." Now, I wouldn't say this past week tested my faith, but it definitely tested my patience! James is making an important point here. Another word for endurance is perseverence. When we learn to persevere, we can accomplish great things. Going through hard times and coming out joyful on the other side by relying on God causes us to grow in Him. When our endurance is fully developed, we will be perfect and complete! So trust in Him and let it grow...
And I know there'll be days, when this life brings me pain. But if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain...
--Mercy Me
I don't know about you, but when I have problems, the first thing I want to do is cry...or eat...or throw a pity party where everyone's invited! This past week and weekend was filled with troubles, some small and some big. One problem that occurred was that my cell phone had to be euthanized. The "e" and the "2" key quit working out of nowhere. This made for some interesting text messages. I apologize to the few who were the recipients of said messages. I loathe spelling and grammatical errors, so it was hard for me to function like this. This probably comes from being raised by an English teacher. My password for my voicemail has a "2" in it, so I couldn't check my voice messages either. I have had my share of troubles with cell phones, some of them my fault. I have dropped one in a toilet, a fountain in Vegas, a glass of water, and down into a storm drain in Tallahassee. I was able to revive ALL of the above phones and carry on, but my purple blackberry could not be fixed! You don't think that this problem is that bad? Keep reading.
Saturday comes, and I am at work towards the end of my 12 hour shift when I get a call from my husband. His first statement is, "We don't have any water." Okay...what happened? Apparently my darling son and one of his friends were playing with the water faucet outside and somehow managed to break a pipe under the house which resulted in gushing water for about 2 hours until they decided to confess. Now, I wasn't home at this point, but I feel certain that my husband was totally robbed of his happiness in this moment. I finished my shift, came home, and my husband and father in law were working to fix the problem. About an hour later, they were done. Problem fixed. Water was turned back on. Relief. The kids were all in bed and that's where I went as well. My husband was up for a while longer on the computer and checked on the kids before he came to bed. That is when he discovered that "someone" had turned on a bathroom faucet when the water was turned off, left it on at full blast and closed the drain. Three hours after the water was turned back on, it had become a flood all over the bathroom and into both of the girl's bedrooms. Fabulous. Where is Noah with his ark when you need him? This is the point that I lost MY happiness. But what could we do? We threw down some towels and went to bed. Now it is Tuesday and the carpet has been partially ripped out of both bedrooms, furniture moved, baseboards off, and huge fans and dehumidifiers everywhere. If you like white noise, my house is the place to be.
So, the question becomes, what is the difference between joy and happiness? Happiness is based on our circumstances, on what happens in everyday life. I'm happy when my children behave, when I get a compliment, when my house is clean, when I watch American Idol...etc. On the flip side, I am NOT happy when the opposite occurs. Think about it this way...being happy or sad depends on what happens to us. On the other hand, true Christian joy is something that stays with you all of the time. It is the feeling that all is well despite your circumstances. Rejoicing in the fact that we are saved, that Christ died for US is a feeling that doesn't change when bad things happen. This doesn't mean that true Christians are always smiling and never sad. We are all human and made of flesh. Having the emotion of sadness doesn't overrule the true joy that is in my heart. I didn't come to this realization overnight. I spent many years basing my joy and my happiness on the circumstances and the people surrounding me. The "old me" went from happy to sad probably 20 times a day. I wasn't holding on to my true joy. I'm not saying it isn't hard when you feel like life is beating you down. That's why we have the Bible, where we can read God's truths and not listen to Satan's lies about ourselves. I read somewhere that the closer you get to God and the more you desire to do His will, the higher up you go on the devil's attack list.
James doesn't stop there, though. In verses 3-4 he says "For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." Now, I wouldn't say this past week tested my faith, but it definitely tested my patience! James is making an important point here. Another word for endurance is perseverence. When we learn to persevere, we can accomplish great things. Going through hard times and coming out joyful on the other side by relying on God causes us to grow in Him. When our endurance is fully developed, we will be perfect and complete! So trust in Him and let it grow...
And I know there'll be days, when this life brings me pain. But if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain...
--Mercy Me
Sunday, May 8, 2011
You Gotta Have Faith
It's Mother's Day! The one day a year we can relax, kick back and enjoy ourselves...right? For the most part, that was true for me. I got to go to church, go see my mom in Ocilla and eat lunch there, take a nap and then come back to reality and get everything ready for Monday. I definitely consider myself to be highly blessed. In church this morning, my very intelligent and good-looking pastor asked two important questions. (Disclaimer: said pastor asked for favorable adjectives the next time I mentioned him.) The first one was "What part did your mom play in your salvation?" I grew up in a Christian home with parents that are still married today. My mom plays the piano in the church and my dad leads the singing and serves as a deacon. I also had my aunts, my mom's sisters, who lived a block up the road and were very active church-goers as well. These people were in the church LITERALLY every time the door was opened. I mean, we actually had a key to the church! My sisters and I used to devise ways to get out of going to church on Sunday nights. The plan usually involved one of us faking being sick and the others staying home along with the afflicted one. When all else failed, we would just beg and plead. These ploys usually did not work. I can remember sitting with my Aunt Jerrie because she would give us Aspergum to chew (oh the horror!) or Vitamin C tablets that tasted like orange candy....hmm, maybe that's why the 3 of us never did get "really" sick. My Aunt Ment would rub or scratch our backs for us during church. Now, if we sat with our parents, our mom's favorite thing to do to get us to stop whispering during the sermon was to pinch us REALLY hard on the thigh. Now, in my day, if this happened, you had to sit there and endure the pain. Plus, it showed her that it really didn't hurt (right). I tried this technique once during a church service on my then 5 year old son. He whispered, I pinched, and...he literally yelled, "Why did you just pinch me, mama? That really hurt!" I. Was. Mortified. Needless to say, I no longer use that technique on my own children.
The fact that my mom and aunts went to church was a good thing, but more importantly, these women walked out their faith and love for Jesus and His teachings in their everyday lives. They were kind to everyone, always willing to help people who needed it, gave to the church first and they prayed about everything. They were some Titus 2 women. Don't get me wrong, they weren't perfect and didn't claim to be. They loved Jesus and everyone around them knew it.
My mom's mother, who I called Mimi, was 70 years old when I was born. She "kept" us when my mom went back to work and I loved her dearly. She was what I like to call a "fruit-bearer". She radiated love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. She had a quiet strength and people were drawn to her because of this. She passed away when I was 21. I sure wish my children could have known her.
The second question my pastor asked was "What are you doing to spread her faith in the world?" Gulp. Breathe in, breathe out. This is a BIG responsibility. I couldn't even master the "pinch on the thigh move"!! However, I know that I am a daughter of the most high God, and I am raising my children to know that God loves them no matter what. Once you are His child, there is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more or any less. They know that I am not perfect, just like they are not perfect. I try to teach them to love God with their hearts, minds and souls, to be "fruit-bearers" and to love their neighbors as they love themselves. I don't just talk about it, though. I try to walk it out in front of them. They sometimes see me stumble or fall down, but they don't ever see me stay there. They might see me confessing my sins or asking for forgiveness, but they won't see me giving up. I am forever telling them that the only reason you "can't" achieve a goal is because you quit trying.
By walking out my faith, love and other fruits of the Spirit, I don't just want to show His life-changing love to my children, but to the whole world! I pray each morning that God will show me who HE wants me to love that day. Sometimes it isn't who I thought it was going to be or who I wanted it to be, but I am learning to submit to His plans for me and not my plans for me. I try to spread a little bit of my mama's faith every day. I hope that my children will do the same.
Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
The fact that my mom and aunts went to church was a good thing, but more importantly, these women walked out their faith and love for Jesus and His teachings in their everyday lives. They were kind to everyone, always willing to help people who needed it, gave to the church first and they prayed about everything. They were some Titus 2 women. Don't get me wrong, they weren't perfect and didn't claim to be. They loved Jesus and everyone around them knew it.
My mom's mother, who I called Mimi, was 70 years old when I was born. She "kept" us when my mom went back to work and I loved her dearly. She was what I like to call a "fruit-bearer". She radiated love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. She had a quiet strength and people were drawn to her because of this. She passed away when I was 21. I sure wish my children could have known her.
The second question my pastor asked was "What are you doing to spread her faith in the world?" Gulp. Breathe in, breathe out. This is a BIG responsibility. I couldn't even master the "pinch on the thigh move"!! However, I know that I am a daughter of the most high God, and I am raising my children to know that God loves them no matter what. Once you are His child, there is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more or any less. They know that I am not perfect, just like they are not perfect. I try to teach them to love God with their hearts, minds and souls, to be "fruit-bearers" and to love their neighbors as they love themselves. I don't just talk about it, though. I try to walk it out in front of them. They sometimes see me stumble or fall down, but they don't ever see me stay there. They might see me confessing my sins or asking for forgiveness, but they won't see me giving up. I am forever telling them that the only reason you "can't" achieve a goal is because you quit trying.
By walking out my faith, love and other fruits of the Spirit, I don't just want to show His life-changing love to my children, but to the whole world! I pray each morning that God will show me who HE wants me to love that day. Sometimes it isn't who I thought it was going to be or who I wanted it to be, but I am learning to submit to His plans for me and not my plans for me. I try to spread a little bit of my mama's faith every day. I hope that my children will do the same.
Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
Sunday, May 1, 2011
That's What Friends Are For!
Tonight I have friends on my mind. I can honestly say I feel like I have some of the best friends around. I know without a shadow of a doubt, that anytime I need anything, I can call on them and they will be there. Each friend brings something different to the table. Depending on my current mood and situation, I know just who to call to get what I need. As I continue on my journey to lead a disciplined life, I have several accountability partners that I rely on to keep me focused and help me through the darker and more trying times. One of them, we will call her Atilla, sends me texts to remind me to exercise or to tell me not to forget to exercise...ouch! I text her back with reports and also with a weekly weight loss report. For 5 weeks, I steadily lost weight and proudly reported my stats to her and received my praise in return. Then week 6 hit and I stepped on the scale...I had lost a whopping 0.5 lbs. Hmm....what in the world?? Week 7 arrived and guess what?? I lost a mind blowing 0.2 lbs!! It was like the express train to fitness, wellness and discipline jumped the rails and fell on its side. Atilla never asks me for the weight report, I voluntarily give it to her. So, I picked myself up and sent out the text. Guess what? I did not get any babying from Atilla! She asked if I was exercising to my fullest potential and if I was staying on my eating plan! Confession time. Gulp. Deep breath. I had been skipping exercise more and more AND had been thinking it was ok for me to eat more. Slipping back into my "old" way of thinking. But Atilla stopped me....she was JUST what I needed at that very moment! I couldn't justify what had happened because she held me accountable and didn't say it was ok. Thank you, Atilla. I love you!
Now, fast forward three days later. My mind is back on track and I feel strong again. I am talking to my friend we will call Mama T, who is also on a plan to be healthier. We are talking about how things are going and she asks me how much weight I have lost. I tell her the total and then say, "But I only lost half a pound last week". Now, I already know what she is going to say to me. However, I am now ready and prepared to hear it. "Kelly, that's still good! You still lost weight!" That's right. I did lose weight....even if it was just a tad. I don't have to beat myself up about it. I am ok. This is a lifetime journey, not a quick fix or a goal to lose weight for an event. I'm eating better, moving more, and feeling stronger physically and more importantly mentally and spiritually. Thank you, Mama T. I love you too!
On Easter, my pastor preached a sermon titled "A Familiar Voice". He made a point that when we are lost or in the dark and scared or alone, it is very comforting to hear a voice of someone that we know and love. Jesus puts people in our lives that we need to hear and he puts them just at the right time. But what about listening to His voice? Does He speak to you? In my relationship with God, I probably did 99% of the talking for the first 34 years. Wow. He must have been wondering when exactly was I going to shut up and listen?!? He was a faithful listener and He answered many of my prayers. When I finally did start to "be still and know that He is God", He showed up in my life like never before. He will be faithful to speak into your life just like He is faithful to listen. Now my quiet time with Him is one of my favorite parts of my day. It's my prayer that all of my friends and family will have the opportunity to listen to His direction as well. It's life changing. I know. Listen to John 10:27-28 "My sheep listen to my voice: I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand."
It is no secret that I love the Christian group Third Day. They have a song out now called "The Sound of Your Voice". Here are the lyrics...
I ran away from your love, but you waited for me, yes, you waited for me. And then I heard your song, singing over me, singing over me. Now that I hear you, Lord I want to know you more, I want to know you more. Sing your song to me, oh, there’s no greater thing, than to listen to the sound of your voice. When I hear your song, I want to sing along, and listen to the sound of your voice, the sound of your voice. Lord, I am calling your name, and I’m waiting for you, yes, I’m waiting for you. So won’t you show me your way, and I will follow you, yes, I will follow you. Singing over me, bringing peace and mercy, with a song that never ends. Singing over me, marvelous and holy Lord, I want to hear your song again.
I am so very thankful that He waited for me.
Now, fast forward three days later. My mind is back on track and I feel strong again. I am talking to my friend we will call Mama T, who is also on a plan to be healthier. We are talking about how things are going and she asks me how much weight I have lost. I tell her the total and then say, "But I only lost half a pound last week". Now, I already know what she is going to say to me. However, I am now ready and prepared to hear it. "Kelly, that's still good! You still lost weight!" That's right. I did lose weight....even if it was just a tad. I don't have to beat myself up about it. I am ok. This is a lifetime journey, not a quick fix or a goal to lose weight for an event. I'm eating better, moving more, and feeling stronger physically and more importantly mentally and spiritually. Thank you, Mama T. I love you too!
On Easter, my pastor preached a sermon titled "A Familiar Voice". He made a point that when we are lost or in the dark and scared or alone, it is very comforting to hear a voice of someone that we know and love. Jesus puts people in our lives that we need to hear and he puts them just at the right time. But what about listening to His voice? Does He speak to you? In my relationship with God, I probably did 99% of the talking for the first 34 years. Wow. He must have been wondering when exactly was I going to shut up and listen?!? He was a faithful listener and He answered many of my prayers. When I finally did start to "be still and know that He is God", He showed up in my life like never before. He will be faithful to speak into your life just like He is faithful to listen. Now my quiet time with Him is one of my favorite parts of my day. It's my prayer that all of my friends and family will have the opportunity to listen to His direction as well. It's life changing. I know. Listen to John 10:27-28 "My sheep listen to my voice: I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand."
It is no secret that I love the Christian group Third Day. They have a song out now called "The Sound of Your Voice". Here are the lyrics...
I ran away from your love, but you waited for me, yes, you waited for me. And then I heard your song, singing over me, singing over me. Now that I hear you, Lord I want to know you more, I want to know you more. Sing your song to me, oh, there’s no greater thing, than to listen to the sound of your voice. When I hear your song, I want to sing along, and listen to the sound of your voice, the sound of your voice. Lord, I am calling your name, and I’m waiting for you, yes, I’m waiting for you. So won’t you show me your way, and I will follow you, yes, I will follow you. Singing over me, bringing peace and mercy, with a song that never ends. Singing over me, marvelous and holy Lord, I want to hear your song again.
I am so very thankful that He waited for me.
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